For all you Bankers out there

[MoocherChiken]

A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of
money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to
open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!"

After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the
president's office (the customer is always right)!

The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She
replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk.

The president was of course curious as to how she came to get this money.
He asked how did you get this money?"

The old lady replied, "I make bets."

The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?" The old woman said,
"Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square."

"Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet. You can never win that
kind of bet!"

The old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet?"

"Sure," said the president,"I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not
square!"

The little old lady then said, "Okay, but since there is a lot of money
involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 AM as a
witness?"

"Sure!" replied the confident president.

That night, the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long
time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again
and again. He thoroughly checked them out until he was sure that there
was absolutely no way his balls were square and that he would win the bet.

The next morning, at precisely 10:00 am, the old lady appeared with her
lawyer at the president's office. She introduced the lawyer to the
president and repeated the bet: "$25,000 says the president's balls are
square!"

The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop
his pants so they could all see. The president complied. The little old
lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them.

"Well, Okay," said the president, "$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess
you should be absolutely sure."

Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against
the wall.

The president asked the old lady, "What the hell's the matter with your
lawyer?"

She replied, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that at 10:00AM today,
I'd have The Bank of Canada's president's balls in my hand."

[Anonymous]

Uhh thats a lil sick :crazy:

[LoneStarChiken]

A crusty old man walks into a bank and shouts to the woman at the teller window "I want to open a damn checking account."

The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"

"Listen up damn it. I said I want to open a damn checking account now!!"

“I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this bank."

The teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to inform him of her situation. The manager agrees that the teller does not have to listen to that foul language.

They both return to the window and the manager asks the old geezer, "Sir, what seems to be the problem here?"

"There is no damn problem," the man says. "I just won 50 million bucks in the damn lottery and I just want to open a damn checking account in this damn bank, okay?"

"I see," says the manager, "and is this biatch giving you a hard time?"

[TastyWheat_BC]

AHahaha. Love that last one

[Taxciter]

A frog named Fred is chatting with his friend Squinky the snake, complaining about his love life. Squinky suggests that Fred do a few home improvements and put a little décor into his pad so the chick frogs won't think he's the slimy slob that he really is. The frog asks the snake where he's gonna get that kind of money and the snake suggests he take out a loan. So Fred heads into town, into the bank, and hops up onto the marble ledge that spans the teller transaction counter, landing right in front of a nameplate that reads "Jennifer Beans". He says to the startled Ms. Beans, "I'd like a loan, please."
The teller is stunned speechless to hear the frog talk, tries to compose herself a bit without much success, but manages to point down the way and say, "Please see Ms. Patricia Black. She's our Loan Officer. Her office is that-a-way."
Fred the frog says, "Thank you very much," hops down to the floor, down that-a-way, and up onto the loan officer's desk. He says, "I'd like a loan, please."
Ms. Black is stunned to hear the frog speak and, barely able to compose herself, all she can think to say is "Well, do you have any colateral?"
"What's that?" says Fred, being far less educated in financial matters than, say, your average three-year-old.
As if explaining the concept of colateral to a three-year-old, she replies, "Well, that's something that means a lot to you, and you let us hang onto it until you pay us back our money."
So the frog thinks over this for a second, then flips his tongue into the side pocket of his shorts (Yes, Fred talks and wears shorts and has many other quirks we won't get into here 'cause this story is long enough already.) and pulls out a little painted cast lead figurine. It's a highly detailed British "Redcoat" soldier atop a black stallion, and he sets it in front of her and says, "Will this do?"
Patricia Black is still quite taken aback by all this, and she doesn't even notice that Jennifer Beans and several other coworkers and customers have been gathering around her desk, standing there speechless, eyes wide and mouths agape at the talking frog, Fred. Some are beginning to feel a little faint, some are feeling tingly and numb, and several are beginning to doubt their sanity when someone suddenly says, "What the hell is that thing?"
Jennifer Beans completely and suddenly snaps into full-blown hysteria, and screams at the top of her lungs, "Why, that's a knick-knack, Patty Black! Give the frog a loan!"